all choked up...

you guys...

how did we ever survive our first year of life?

i'm serious.

i feel like my house is a giant death trap and leif is walking into them all.  he's a magnet for destruction.  last week i spent an obscene amount of late night time, pacing around my house like a crazy zombie on the hunt for anything that would harm our child.  i was all twitter-pated because he had choked... and i mean REALLY choked... for the first time that evening.

it didn't even happen at our house... but a series of events led up to the choking and now i'm worried our child will swallow the nearest lint ball and keel over.

i think all of this actually started over christmas break, when he started crawling.  he started finding little objects that we didn't even know existed and putting them into his mouth.  i once found a piece of glass from a broken ornament in his mouth.  the next day it was the teeny tiny stem from the top of a clementine.  never mind that in both instances i had just vacuumed and swept... he STILL managed to find something off of (what i thought were) our spotless floors.  

 it's ok if you judge me... i'd judge me. 

and then, just mere hours ago, i thought i saw him working something around in his mouth like a wad of tabacco.  when i got a sneak peak i saw a flash of white.  trying to remain calm i reached in (only to push it further back... #1 no no rule of parenting i just broke).  so i had kjaer fish it out and there was ANOTHER piece of glass.  WHAT?!?!  after crawling around on hands and knees, turning over every object in sight, we found a chipped corner on one of our coasters,  of all things!  leif almost swallowed glass from a stupid coaster!!

so... you can probably say that i've become pretty aware of the need to childproof.  clearly keeping a clean abode isn't enough to protect my precious little peanut, so we're starting on this very sllllooooowwww journey of learning how to childproof.

look ma! no more glass! (thanks pop!)

except it's more like, we think we've got the bases covered... and then leif finds the chink in our armor and we realize we have more work to do.

last week we were all hanging out on the floor next to a bag of, ironically, childproofing apparati.  leif was patting on the bag so we could hear it crinkle when suddenly he popped his hand in his mouth.  i then realized, a split second later that he had stuck an outlet cover in his mouth.

yes, a childproofing outlet cover.

(it's only mildly humorous because he's ok)

i panicked.

i held his arms so that kjaer could sweep it out of his mouth.

leif just got pissed off because we were ruining his good time... but mommy and daddy prevailed.

(and then exchanged very relieved looks)

just didn't know how we would explain to our friends that our child choked on a device that was actually meant to child proof your home...

worst.

parents.

ever.

so we headed out the door to mcdonalds.  i mean, it seemed the only logical thing to do.  actually, it was mcteacher night for kjaer and he wanted to show off his family (well, probably mostly his son... but i don't mind being arm candy!)  it was crazy busy and leif was grumpy (after we had already foiled one of his plans for the evening).  i had found a booth and leif was crunching on his little puff cereal whilst perched on top of a table.  kjaer was grabbing a high chair while i had two hands on our little mover and shaker.

kjaer showed up with the high chair and i picked leif up and set him down without thinking that he had a piece of puff still in his mouth.

he started choking.

and not in a zoolander-ish fashion

(cough, cough, i think i've got the black lung pop!)

it was a struggling for air, couldn't get a cry out for a few of seconds choke.  but because he could mostly still cry out and was coughing, we did what you were supposed to do and waited it out.  it was the longest few seconds of my life.  the whole instance probably took 30 seconds but it felt like many agonizing minutes of watching him choke.  finally, the poor kid threw up all over kjaer and started crying.  i was so thrilled he threw up and was crying i hardly noticed my poor vomit covered husband across the booth.

vomit = not choking baby

so, for me, it spelled relief.

for kjaer, it spelled loss of appetite.  

that night i drove home with this sense of foreboding... just how long was this choking faze supposed to last and how could we ensure our son made it through?  i mean... if you hadn't already judged me by the first piece of glass... surely you're questioning my parenting abilities by the 2nd piece!!  aren't you a little worried too?

or is this just parent-hood?

do you all do this too?

i really need to know.

so now we're in full swing... kjaer is rushing to complete his masterpiece of a cable railing so that we can put up gates, i'm checking every outlet and cupboard while hunching over our floor with a magnifying glass to scope out possible swallowing material. 

it's exhausting, a little nerve wracking, and a bit terrifying to be so responsible for something so wonderful.

but then you see his little face and you think...

well, ok, for you i will.   no one else... but you?  yes. 

so pray for us folks.  not just a little... but a whole lot.  ask for grace and mercy.  ask for peace of mind and protection.  and ask that kjaer and i remember to pick our eyes up off the booby trapped floor and enjoy each little moment we have with our man.  parenthood may have been designed to refine you through stress... but it was also meant to be a blessing.  and i want to always remember the blessing we have and enjoy every day rather than worrying about every little thing.  so most of all... pray that we can still chill out, in spite of the worries, and enjoy our little miracle of a man!