relishing...

this morning i woke up, and that brilliant little kid of ours had grown older over night. 

i don't know how this happened. 

people say, "they grow up fast."  man, they weren't kidding.  for the past three months i've been anxiously awaiting certain milestones... holding his head up during tummy time, rolling over, holding toys, sleeping in his crib (instead of his bassinet), sitting up.  i'm excited about it all and i find myself trying to get him there a little faster... while kjaer is constantly trying to get me to slow down and enjoy the whole process.

but this morning leif showed me that he could do it on his own...

b.r.i.l.l.i.a.n.t.

instead of him waking me with his little snorts and whines, i heard him happily cooing away in his bassinet at the foot of our bed.  i went over and peaked at him and he gave me an absurdly beautiful and cheerful smile, as if to say, oh there you are!  i was waiting for you!

then, i set him in his high chair with some toys and started my morning routine... feeding the dog, making breakfast.  at first i was talking cheerfully to him about everything i was doing.  he listened intently.  but then he became so engrossed in holding and looking at his lovie (and sticking it in his mouth), i started to feel like i was being ignored so maybe i should get a couple more things done.  i checked email, facebook, read a couple of news articles... it was beautiful.  he was sitting right next to me happily talking to his toys.  he'd catch me watching him and he'd say with his content little smile... i'm cool mom.  you just do what you gotta do!

then we continued with our little routine.  i changed his diaper while he kick, kick, kicked.  i think we may have a future world cup player on our hands.  then i thought, "well, maybe we should give tummy time a shot."

he hates tummy time.

hates.

it.

usually we set him on his belly and he'll put up with it for less than 45 seconds.  and that's when his protesting will begin.  we usually try to make him stay there until we can tell he's about to lose it... so like... for a minute or two.  this always makes me feel guilty.  you are supposed to have your kid doing tummy time for like, 15 minutes a day... but our kid will have a nuclear meltdown after 2 minutes.  so  i always feel like i'm damaging my poor child because we skip tummy time altogether OR get in maybe 4 minutes a day (which means, if you are following my mathematical equation... we make 3 attempts a day to get in 4 measly minutes).  his doctor told me not to fret about tummy time...  that leif is a strong kiddo who's developing just fine and probably doesn't need it.  but my perfect mommy-itis tells me that if i did get tummy time in, he'd be getting everything he needs and more!

so back to today... i put him on his little playmat with a tiny bolster under his armpits and waited for the meltdown. 

when i opened my eyes, which i had clenched shut, i saw my little boy happily staring at his rattle, perched like a high centered rolly polly.  he cooed happily and chattered to himself while i rinsed his dirty diaper (ps - cloth diapers are rockin'). 

but i was still in disbelief that he would actually be happy over there so i did my job fast and peaked around the corner the whole time in case armageddon would commence. 

nothing.

and he looked so damn cute i kept thinking, i should take a picture, i should take a picture.   but i didn't... so maybe next time.

my friends, he spent 5 minutes all in one sitting getting his tummy time in. 

i'm telling you, he's a freakin' genious!  if we do this a couple more times today, BAM you have 15 minutes. 

no bigs.

then he started a little fussing... i mean, he is a baby after all... and i knew it was naptime.  after all, he's clearly had a big morning.

usually kjaer and i have to work tirelessly to get him to nap.  he's an awesome sleeper at night, but during the day we fight to make this kid sleep.  he'll plead with his red, puffy eyes i don't wanna nap!! and fight it with all of his might.  sometimes, on rare occasions we can get him to sleep in his bassinet or crib... but usually we have to resort to his swing or bouncy vibrating chair because he will have nothing to do with anything that resembles a bed during the daytime... and even then it can take up to an hour for him to be lulled into dreamland.  OR he'll fall asleep and wake up 20 minutes later pissed off that we tricked him.

but today i thought i'd press my luck.  i walked him back to his bassinet, swaddled him and laid him down.  he smiled tiredly, sighed, and went to sleep. 

he's been sleeping ever since. 

praises be.

i ran to get my laptop and write it all down for you.  i found myself awestruck and amazed.  i was so excited to see that it IS possible to have a day where things go the way you think they should go.  i mean... i'm elated that i won't need kjaer to fashion a giant vibrating chair for my child once he outgrows this one so that he can take naps in one as a five year old.  it's becoming clear to me that he might actually sleep in a BED one day.  i mean... the kid is a cute albert einstein!

and then, after the wave of excitement passed, i realized something else. 

he's growing up. 

it is happening so fast.

and i found my heart wanting to tap the brakes a little for our little baby.  his future is passing before my eyes!  pretty soon there will be pre-school, kindergarten, middle school dances, high school and then we'll be moving him into a dorm and i'll be sobbing in the passenger seat all of the way home while kjaer tries to comfort me. 

sigh.

i love being a mom... but my prayer for myself is that instead of pushing this kid to grow up faster and reach his next milestone... that i take my time to enjoy each moment of my son's life.  he'll do all of that developmental stuff on his own, and my job will be to stand next to him awestruck and cheering him on proudly.

p.s. - he just woke up and is chattering away to himself... he slept a whole 45 minutes and now he's calling to me that he's done.  i'm letting him lay there for a few more minutes just to listen to his happy talking and enjoy it.  if he's ganna grow up fast, then i'm going to relish every minute.