the last supper(s)...

was sitting in the living room of a very dear friend and some of her girlfriends the other weekend, talking babies, of course.  no one can be within a 10 foot radius of me right now without talking about babies.  it's probably the large belly that proudly protrudes from my frame, which is barely recognizable at this point. so don't worry... i don't blame anyone...

regardless, each woman was telling me her tales of glory and woe on being a mother, cheering me on and encouraging me.  i sat there with my glass of ice water (no mimosa's for me!) and took mental notes from these wise ladies.  in my book... they are already heroes.  they are doing what i imagine i'll be doing in a few short weeks (t-minus 3 1/2 weeks) with gusto, and doing it brilliantly.  they've made it through the newborn phase and have successfully reared children above the age of one.  some of them have even raised TWO of them. 

Lord, have mercy.

one girl recounted her 64 hour labor process (PLEASE GOD NO!) while another talked about how her babies practically shot out of her.  they laughed and talked and smiled and boasted about their children and their husbands.  it was very inspiring.

one girlfriend of mine talked about how she was 10 days late before finally being induced.  she smiled and said, "my husband and i kept having 'last suppers' together."  we all chuckled...

and then i realized that's exactly what kjaer and i have been doing. 

well...

i've been the instigator and he has been my partner in crime... if only to avoid the wrath of a hungry pregnant woman.  but also because his wife moans about every three or four days that we need to enjoy this now before our lives totally change!!!

the other night my handsome man took me to maggiano's for a little gnocchi dish that we split.  the food was superb, but the date was divine.  i had forgotten, in the midst of our growing excitement/stress how i love to date my husband.  we sat and talked and cuddled and smiled.  it was absolutely perfect, except that we were both too full to have a little desert.  oh well, there will be other times... just not in the next couple of months i'm sure.

for lunch we visited the five star establishment of mcdonald's, which has been frequented about once a month since i started incubating a little hungry creature in the depths of my gut.  we probably visited for the last time in quite awhile, because after baby k is born, i will have to cut this monthly endeavor out of my diet.  but this is another one of those "lasts," so we went.   this time kjaer set our tray down at a booth and while he was up getting extra pickles for his burger, i slyly moved the tray to another table because i found I COULD NO LONGER FIT IN THE BOOTH.  ok... while this is a slight exaggeration, i knew the moment had come where i can no longer force myself to sit in a booth because my belly almost touches the table and it's so uncomfortable.  it was definitely a first in my lifetime... but i had to look at it from the bright side.  at least the reason i couldn't fit in the booth WASN'T because i eat too much mcdonalds.

this next weekend i'm looking forward to another incredible meal at the melting pot with one of our favorite couples.  i started to get really nervous that they were going to seat us in a booth... as in, my heart started to palpitate.  i finally called them and laughingly asked that they seat us at a table that had at least one chair.  the hostess on the other end of the phone wished me congratulations and told me they could accommodate me (and my belly) and they'd see me on friday night.

it's funny how anticipating huge life changes can cause you to go out and do some "lasts."  in reality, it's quite the dramatic overkill.  i mean, will kjaer and i frequent nice restaurants in our future?  of course!  it just feels like everything as we know it is over.  

of course, my whining has surrounded alone time with kjaer and fancy restaurants (yes, i know mcdonalds is not fancy... it's just a guilty pleasure).  now i find myself, in my spare time, making lists of places i would like to visit before our little one comes.  who knows if it'll happen, but this is the time to try.  (actually, i should have done this earlier in our pregnancy when i could still fit comfortably in a romantic, cozy booth).  

but the truth is, we will do this again.  

the reality is that lives go on... whether it is because of new life or death.  looking back to 3 years ago, when my dad passed away from cancer, i remember thinking life would never be the same.  i thought surely i would take my last breath because of the heartache.  i was sure it was the last time i was ever going to be happy.  the last time our family was whole and complete.  but those lasts weren't true.  first of all, in spite of the sorrow, i kept breathing... one day at a time.  though there is a definite hole that only my daddy can fit into, my life has been full of happiness since his passing.  and my immediate family has doubled in size with two new wonderful sister-in-laws, and five nieces and nephews! (not to mention my bliss in having a wonderful husband and pip squeak on the way). so, even though my family doesn't look the same as it did three years ago, it reflects the joy that my small family of five enjoyed before my daddy left us.  (daddy would've been so proud!)  on top of that, i've been accepted into kjaer's family... which brings more love and happiness from all angles.  

the only lasts that were permanent, were the moments spent with my sweet daddoo before he died.  and they're not really permanent.  i plan on seeing him again one day... i'll just have to wait a little longer than i would for, say, a really fancy dinner at my favorite restaurant. 

but for now... i think that even though i know these aren't really my last suppers, i'll keep milking it for all it's worth.  sometimes we just need to acknowledge those feelings of last-ness even though we know to our cores that last = we'll just have to wait awhile.  

as the clock keeps ticking, kjaer and i get more excited/nervous/anxious to meet our little one.  people throw around the ol', "enjoy your _____ while it lasts!" and we find ourselves getting annoyed... probably because we're hyper aware of the change that is about to occur and we don't need it spelled out for us.  but i think also because we know in our guts that this isn't the end of all things.

it's just the beginning.

and i can raise a glass (filled to the brim with a shirley temple) to that.