awhile ago i told leif's birth story and eluded to a funny moment that happened while were were in the throws of my c-section. as i've begun to mentally prepare for our second little love, i've been reflecting a lot on the birth of our first little love.
the other day i suddenly remembered a moment that made me smile so big... i just had to share it with you.
...but first i had to ask kjaer's permission.
it involves him.
and usually, i do this kind of embarrassing stuff.
so... without further adieu... because i got the green light...
about 15 minutes before leif came into this world, i was sitting terrified on a metal surgical table getting ready to receive my epidural. inside i was feeling like a huge baby (not to be confused with having an actual real, HUGE baby inside of me) but on the outside i was basically dead quiet and wide-eyed. now, i'm not bragging or anything... but i didn't jump off of the surgical table, tuck my hospital gown around me and run out of the room screaming, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS!!!" even though that's totally what my brain wanted me to do. i was already so conflicted. i had wanted to have a natural, drug free childbirth but my doctor had basically said that once i went past 10 days of being overdue, i'd have to find someone else if i didn't take any action because the risks were just too high. so my doctor, kjaer and i made the decision that if i wasn't in labor by day10... a scheduled c-section it would be on day 11. (she had already told me that if she had induced me... which i didn't want anyway... i would have had an 85% chance of an emergency c-section... recovering from labor AND surgery? no thanks!).
but once my giant, pregnant butt cheeks were on that cold table, i was seriously fighting the decision to have major abdominal surgery. the only time i've ever undergone the knife was having my wisdom teeth removed. so i'm not really experienced in this whole leaving-my-life-in-someone-else's-hands field. i was shivering because of the fluids they were pumping into me and kjaer was probably starting to sense that his wife was about to go feral on everyone in there.
and can we just pause here to talk about how God has blessed me with a man who compliments me so well? sometimes (though he would probably say more often than not), i can get a little stressed out. the symptoms include my vocal volume increasing to the point of nearly shouting, rigid muscles and shifty eyes. the day we got married, i was sent down the aisle too soon. this would have been ok, except that i had a song playing in remembrance of my dad (it was originally supposed to be our father-daughter dance song) and had to stand up there facing kjaer and listen to the words, all the while wishing my dad had been the one walking me down the aisle and thinking about how we were supposed to be dancing to this song on this particular day. i started to tear up and shake and kjaer read the moment perfectly. he stared right into my eyes and started wiggling his nose at me, thereby saving the day. i immediately calmed down, smiled and remembered how blessed i was to have a man who could read me so well... and though i had some tears in those eyes, they went from sadness to joy.
so... like i said... kjaer started to see the signs.
the anesthesiologist, Dr. Morris, was behind me, prepping me for the epidural (which, of course i'd heard horror stories about people still feeling the surgery because it was placed wrong, and my mother the nurse doesn't help with these stories because she HATES most anesthesiologists and has to deal with their messed up leftovers, etc.) kjaer stood in front of me as i sat on that table and pulled my arms up around his neck. and then he just put his forehead against mine and began whispering to me in that low, sweet voice of his about our new baby and how i was going to be ok. all the while, Dr. Morris was readying me for the moment of truth, commenting on how he loved when he saw the new dad's with the mom's and how awesome kjaer was. right at that moment, the dr. put his hand out next to my body, as if to give kjaer a high five.
so naturally, kjaer gave the doctor a high five back.
silence.
Dr. Morris's hand comes up next to me again.
kjaer high fives him again and looks at me like, dude, what is up with this guy.
third and final time... the doctor's hand comes up and he says... "now monica, your back is straight like this (high five hand) but i need for you to curve it like this (curves his hand)."
kjaer puts his forehead back on mine and quietly whispered... while we both tried not to laugh too loud... "dude... i just totally high fived him... twice!"
and immediately my animal instincts stopped with the fight and flight junk, and i was ready to have my baby with my crazy, lovable husband. and even though i was still scared to death, i knew i had a man who wasn't going to leave me...
a few minutes later, kjaer was happily announcing to me that we had a boy with his winning, handsome smile and laying leif on my chest to meet me.
the beauty of this is two fold.
one... i love how kjaer demonstrated such tenderness in a moment where i really questioned whether i would survive. i mean... i knew the odds were that i would... but honestly, i was terrified i'd be one of those whacky c-section stories that you hear about from time to time. he was my cool cucumber.
second... i love that we could still laugh when i know that at that moment we were both so scared. scared of c-sections, scared of what being a parent was going to be like... just scared. it seems like sometimes when we need those moments... God sends them to lighten the mood and remind us to take a breath, relax and enjoy our lives.
so while i'm hoping i can do a VBAC for round two... if i can't and have to undergo a scary c-section again, i'll be holding that man of mines neck again, shivering with fear but laughing on the inside as i remember the time my cool cucumber high fived the anesthesiologist!
No comments:
Post a Comment